By Alfonse DeLucia

I recently read Dr. Jernigan's short essays, "The Barrier Of The Visible Difference." In this essay, he relates some of his experiences as a blind person struggling to understand the characteristic behaviors and feelings of sighted people. Dr. Jernigan shared an experience he had as a child.
He was given a toy horse that happened to be painted in gold. At the time, his mother and the giver of the gift both admired the color of the toy horse. Perhaps they delighted in how the gold paint glittered and reflected the light that shown upon it. However, Dr. Jernigan was not affected in the same way. He didn't have the slightest appreciation for the gold color for not only the obvious reason, but also because he found the texture of the gold paint to be unpleasant to the touch. Thus, he was compelled to scrape off every last bit of that paint, much to the chagrin of his mother.

Ultimately, Dr. Jernigan's point was that it would behoove us as blind people to learn as much as we can about the behaviors and feelings characteristic to sighted people. Because just as it is their social responsibility to treat us as their equals, it is the blind community's social responsibility to have an awareness of the behavioral and motivational tendencies of sighted people.

Now there are those of us that might resent the notion that we live in a sighted world; partly because they've had the sighted world's behaviors and motivations thrust upon them or partly because they are no longer able to indulge in the activities designed for the sighted world. In other words, if you're the kind of blind person that hasn't logically assimilated their blind identity into their consciousness, you will most likely be bolstering the visible barrier of misperception.

What we need to ask ourselves, as Connecticut's blind community, is how can we stake our claim in this sighted person's world? How can we take ownership of what also rightfully belongs to us?

I believe that the first step is to eliminate any and all resentment, if it exists in one's heart. As comforting as it might seem to harbor such ill sentiment toward others, it is illogical, irrational, and irresponsible. And what is even more discouraging to Connecticut NFB relations is any resentment harbored between fellow blind people. Why maintain an invisible barrier, and what are the invisible differences? How many kinds of blind people exist in the world? There are those born into blindness. There are those that are suddenly thrown into blindness at either a very young age or in their later years. There are those who are progressively blind, having gradually less and less vision as they grow older. And there are those that, for the duration of their entire lives, have enough vision to walk safely without a cane.

Now perhaps I've missed one or another type of blind person, but I believe that what I've listed is generally accurate. Why can't we all just get along? We should retain within the forefront of our perceptions of others that ours is a movement, and that all degrees of blindness are enriching variations within the movement. Disunity leads only to stagnation, and stagnation leads us only backward.

The second step toward successful co-existence is optimizing self-awareness. This can be as simple as checking to make sure one's fly is properly zippered or seeing fit to wipe all the spaghetti sauce from one's face during dinners shared in public. In the above cases, and if the individual is inconvenienced only by blindness, such tasks should easily be attended to by the individual.

Then there is the head swaying or body rocking exhibited by some blind people. Such blindisms are points of contention between a variety of blind people, parents of blind children, and blind or sighted teachers of the visually impaired. There are opposing philosophies on what may come under the category of proprioceptive feedback, how a child gauges his or her physical relationship to the world around them.

Some parents and teachers encourage head swaying or body rocking because they feel that these are aspects of the blind spirit or the blind child's or adult's method of gaining proprioceptive feedback. Still, others consider such blindisms as sociological inequalities, and believe these blindisms should be the subject of vigilant modification, and ultimate eradication.

As an educator, and in trying to remain as objective as possible until behavioral researchers provide us with a verdict on the issue of blindisms, I can't agree or disagree as to whether they should be a part of one's own blind consciousness. However, we are each ambassadors, and we should all do what we can in order to maintain our dignity among the sighted. Perhaps this is a touchy subject. It is not a good feeling to be told that your fly is open or that there is dried up spaghetti sauce around your mouth or that your obnoxious shouting on a crowded elevator is muddying up sighted people's perceptions of the blind, but the feelings are no less intense for sighted people that need to be told such things. What I find particularly astounding about some sighted people is that they feel quite at ease with vigorously picking their noses while driving, and sighted people often have to be told their fly is down. An ounce of prevention is a pound of cure. A moment of embarrassment and emotional discomfort is a small price to pay for the perpetuation of our dignity as human beings.

The third step is the cultivation of a positive self-perception. I should note here that, depending on when your blindness began, this step may come at a different point on your list. Because as much as we share our blindness, each of us comes into our community through their own personal adaptation to the type of blindness or visual impairment that is specific to them. I'm obviously not the first blind person to exist in the world, but this blindness I have, without question, belongs to me. As a result of my progressive vision loss, I no longer need to connect a face to a voice. The curiosity has diminished. Moreover, I associate one's voice much more quickly than I ever associated a face to a name, or a voice, or a bodily structure, or gait. Thus, it is only myself -having been restricted to experiencing from within only myself- that I've learned that seeing stands in the way of truly connecting and reading the feelings of other people.

Despite my gradually bolstered competence as a blind person, the most difficult aspect of my development was the securing of a positive self-perception. It is difficult to describe how the change progressed, but there are four critical points that my reflections have brought to the forefront of my mind as I write this: (1) I love every human being as my brother or sister, no matter how deep his or her contempt for me might be; (2) I am worthy of the love of others; (3) I am capable of competing with sighted people on an academic level; and (4) There are extremely few sighted people who can even remotely work up the nerve to live the life of a blind person.

What we should work toward with each new day of our lives is the elimination of fear. Fearlessness gets you respect. Fearlessness gets you recognition. Fearlessness gets you competence. Fearlessness gets you confidence.

Can I tell you that it used to take me half an hour, from the time I would touch my big toe to the water, to the time I dunked my head, in order to enjoy my parent's swimming pool? I had a tremendous fear of the cold, but I love swimming. I fear having to speak in public, but I enjoy working with people, and sharing with them. I fear rejection, but I'd love for a job interview to lead to employment. The thing about fear is that it is always there, no matter how fearless, confident, competent, respected or recognized people become. Even if we describe someone as displaying bravery, they are still grappling with fear. They are actively engaged with fear. They show us that if nothing is ventured, nothing is gained. It's okay to leave the house. It's okay to go shopping by yourself. It's okay to trust sighted strangers with your money. Maybe you'll get swindled. Adapt, start folding your money, and move on. Cut your own steak when you're dining out. Sure you might end up with gristle on your coat or blouse. But why deprive yourself of the truest dignity and confidence? Why deprive yourself? Why let fear win? When you let fear win, you are submitting to all those eyes that you believe are staring at you. For all you know, there could be a sighted woman on the other side of the dining room, mortified over the fact that she's just spilled a glass of red wine onto her dress. Another sighted person could be behind you, chewing a morsel of veal with his mouth wide open until his dinner partner has excused herself because she's become totally disgusted.

Sight is not the greatest power any human being can have. Freedom is the greatest power any human can have, and should have. But doesn't freedom grant me the right to deprive myself of valuable experiences with other people? Doesn't freedom make it so that I can go ahead, and leave all the extra spaghetti sauce on my face during dinner? Doesn't freedom grant me the right to allow other people to cut my steak for me? Unfortunately, yes it does. But when my mom stopped cutting my meat for me, I had to take over, and I've been cutting my own meat ever since. And every time I eat a meal, I expect myself to take human bites, and to wipe my mouth until all the sauce is gone. And when I have to make my own way to the Food Mart or to the affiliate office, I do so with as much caution as I do confidence...step by step.

Perhaps I am mistaken. Maybe the first step isn't the elimination of fear or the elimination of resentment. Perhaps the first step is the eliminating of one's own personal obstacles. Sure, you have the right to perpetuate your own stagnation. You have the freedom to allow others to do what you can easily do for yourself. But try to bear in mind that some freedoms are subtle kinds of oppression. Make the choice. Do you want the freedom that comes easy or do you want the freedom that you have to work for? Because, either way, you will get what you pay for. How much are you willing to invest, and what kind of profit are you looking for?

Everyone has to find their own way, step by step. Me? It still takes ten minutes for me to dunk my head. But I'm making progress, still feeling for the bottom.

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